


composed

by katierosefun



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Obi-Wan Kenobi Needs a Hug, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:14:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,191
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27838954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katierosefun/pseuds/katierosefun
Summary: He learns what that heavy sensation is called a few weeks later. He feels a little silly at first, and a little confused, because he doesn’t think these are the kinds of things that would happen to him. Far too many things have happened in his life for him to turn far away now.[or a brief history of learning how to breathe, told by Obi-Wan.]
Relationships: CC-2224 | Cody & Obi-Wan Kenobi, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Ahsoka Tano, Obi-Wan Kenobi & Anakin Skywalker
Comments: 12
Kudos: 192





	composed

**Author's Note:**

> for everyone who follows me on [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/katierosefun?si=XFzjT-U8S6a285kuFQ6Xvw), this is why i was listening to [hurricane by fleurie on my writing angst playlist](https://open.spotify.com/track/1tLp9KH0j1HoKdS1vnvkxO?si=73OHain7TnCX-8_kP1g8LQ) for 3 hours last night--

**_i. breathe in slowly through your nose_ **

“Master?”

Obi-Wan opens his eyes, and he almost jumps because there’s a ghost standing above him. And then he realizes: no, not a ghost. Just a small boy who looks like he’s drowning in his new sleep clothes. Obi-Wan vaguely remembers watching him pick them out—carefully but happily. Right now, he doesn’t look too happy, and Obi-Wan’s wondering why when he finally asks, “What is it?”

“You were saying something,” the boy says, and that’s when Obi-Wan becomes aware of how raw his throat feels.

“Did I…” Obi-Wan clears his throat, sitting up. His whole body is sore. His chest is sore. “Wake you because of it?”

“No,” the boy says, and Obi-Wan knows he’s lying. It’s almost touching.

“Well…” Obi-Wan looks at him. “Go back to sleep. We’ve got an early morning tomorrow.”

The boy hesitates, but then he nods.

The second the door closes, Obi-Wan drops his head in his hands. He remembers _this_ is real, and he doesn’t go back to sleep for a long, long while.

**_ii. breathe out slowly through your mouth_ **

“General?”

Obi-Wan blinks, and he’s standing on the remains of a battlefield. He smells smoke and burnt flesh and machine oil, and he realizes he should probably be more bothered by this—he really should be more bothered by this, but all he can do is stand and stare blankly at the death around him. He knows he’s not the only one, too, and he knows because his commander’s the one who’s wearing a similar expression when he asks, “Your orders?”

“Gather the men,” Obi-Wan says, because there is nothing more for him to say. “We’ll make sure the others’ sacrifices weren’t in vain.”

“Yes sir,” the commander says, and his voice is painfully quiet in the already hushed world. Obi-Wan doesn’t think he can raise his voice that much louder either. “I’ll get a medic.”

“What?” Obi-Wan glances down at his arm, and he recognizes the blaster burn there. In his own…whatever that was, he hadn’t noticed it. “Ah.”

“Sir?” His commander waits.

Obi-Wan shakes his head. He doesn’t need to explain what that means.

His commander understands, even though Obi-Wan notices he quietly drags over one of the medics later. Obi-Wan eventually _does_ get his arm fixed, but the rest of him doesn’t feel quite right.

**_iii. some people find it helpful to count steadily from one to five on each in- and out-breath_ **

“Master Kenobi?”

Obi-Wan turns around, and the girl’s standing in the doorway of his quarters, her brows furrowed. He wonders if he looks as far away as he feels. For the love of all things good, he hopes not. So he straightens and sets his datapad down, ignoring the reports and asks, “What is it?”

“Anakin was just wondering…” the girl’s voice drifts, and she’s looking at him with the same scrutiny that reminds Obi-Wan of a young boy. “If you needed anything.”

“I don’t, thank you,” Obi-Wan says, and he manages a brisk smile, even though it makes his jaws hurt. He thinks it feels too unnatural, so he looks back down at his datapad and regrets it almost immediately.

“I saw the news,” the girl says after a little while. Her voice is quiet, pained, and Obi-Wan remembers that she had gone to that world too before. Before things went wrong.

“I see,” Obi-Wan says, because it’s the only thing he can say. Two short words. That’s how much he can manage.

She still hovers at the door, and then she says, “If there’s anything…”

Obi-Wan nods. He gestures for the girl to leave—she probably has tasks of her own to complete. A master who is probably wondering what’s taking her so long to return.

He shuts off the datapad a few moments later and decides that the weight is too heavy.

**_iv. seek professional help if you can_ **

He learns what that heavy sensation is called a few weeks later. He feels a little silly at first, and a little confused, because he doesn’t think these are the kinds of things that would happen to him. Far too many things have happened in his life for him to turn far away _now_. The mind healer asks him what he means by that, and he explains briefly. It’s not too difficult—he can be quick with his words when he wants to be.

Well, there are memories from when he was a youngling, he explains. He laughs a little at those memories. Of course, he was temperamental as a child. Temperamental and brash and perhaps a tad proud. And also a tad frustrated and disappointed—he chooses that word carefully—at being thirteen still and not yet having a master.

And then he supposes there are memories from his Padawan days, he explains. He laughs a little at those memories too, but that laughter comes out a little more strained because he remembers how those days end. He pauses a little at that, and he says he’s made peace with the event—he mostly has. He knows his master’s one with the Force, and there’s no getting around that. He almost mentions that he’s actually spoken to his master once, on a strange planet that he’s still not entirely sure is real or not. He doesn’t mention that, though.

And his breath hitches a little when he speaks of the deaths. Countless, countless deaths that he’s unable to prevent. He has to pause at that.

He mentions the events of the other world in the end. The mind healer waits for him to continue, but it’s a little too soon, so they just sit in the small room for a little while.

**_v. and of course, reach out to your friends and family for support._ **

“Obi-Wan?”

He looks up.

His friends are standing on the stairs above him, looking on expectantly. The boy is a hero, the commander is a general, the girl is a revolutionary. They wait, and they realize what had just happened a moment ago.

“It’s over,” Obi-Wan finally says. Everything’s over, and his chest is still too tight and his hands are still too cold. He knows that of course, that would be the case. These things take time. That doesn’t mean he’s still not frustrated with himself: burning, burning frustration at how he’s far away again.

But then he feels a different warmth, and he realizes he’s being pulled back down. A gentle tug. _Come back down. Come back here._

He blinks.

He sees them, and he’s dimly aware of the new chancellor saying something about welcoming their heroes, and he doesn’t think it’s quite real until he makes out his friends’ faces again. Because that’s what they are.

“Hey.” Anakin.

“Here.” Cody.

“There he is.” Ahsoka.

He stands for a moment.

Breathes once. It’s a long breath, one that he weakly realizes that he might have been holding for too many days and nights.

When he lets it go, he refocuses on the faces in front of him.

“Let’s go,” he says.

They walk up to greet the triumphant morning.

**Author's Note:**

> for a better grasp of what the actual snapshots are in this story: the first is one briefly set after the events of tpm, the second is probably the aftermath of probably one of the first battles of the war, and the third is set briefly after lawless. 
> 
> this was originally going to have a sad ending, but at the last second, i said, "no more sad endings, only stories about getting better." (because people can get better.) 
> 
> as always, comments/kudos are greatly appreciated! 
> 
> (come say hi to me on [tumblr](https://katierosefun.tumblr.com/)!)


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